So it is 4th of July weekend so it seems like a good time to write about the American dream. Since this blog is dedicated to how I personally wasted my genius, I am going to tell you about how I missed out on the American Dream. I shouldn't really say that I have missed out, but rather chose a very different route to obtaining happiness. Now that I am older, my midlife crises is the opposite of what most people experience. You usually hear about people selling their house and hiking the Appalachian Trail. Mine consists of trying to backtrack and maybe get just a little bit of that American Pie. Let me take you back a little and tell you how I arrived at this place and what a Caleb American dream would look like.
When most of my peers were preparing for college, I was battling addiction. I ended up dropping out of my senior year of high school in an effort to stay sober. The good news is that it worked, the bad news is that I felt like I had a whole lot of catching up to do. I spent a couple of years trying to pick up the pieces of my life, going from job to job. I should say quitting job after job until I ended up in Indianapolis. There I got my GED and was preparing to go to college to study theology. That plan was disrupted by my father's addiction, the apple doesn't fall far and all that. He left the house we had been living in after being asked to stop drinking. I had to move in with my brother. At first this seemed like a great thing, he offered me a job with him if I cut my hair and cleaned up. I was quite a hippie in those days. So I did, I cut my hair and figured why not? Learning business couldn't be a bad thing. I mean my brother had a Jag, that american dream could be mine! Then the game changed, my brother decided he didn't want me working with him and told me I had to go out and get a job.
So there I was in the same trap I had tried to leave, working at a job I hated that in no way could lead me to where I wanted to go. My heart was that of a mystic, working at a restaurant wasn't what I had in mind. Meanwhile my brother was working on his American Dream, building his first house, driving his Jag and working hard to reach his goals.
I decided to leave and go to Virginia with some friends. I would go and seek my own version of the American Dream, a mystical spiritual dream. I should mention that I tried to become a Tibetan Monk but knew nothing about either Tibet or Buddhism. I just knew I wanted to be a monk. Of course after many calls to representatives of Tibet, they kindly told me no. So I was going to try and find my way by some other means. I ended up in Virginia working at an occult bookstore. I got paid to study mysticism that was the beginning of my own strange brand of a monastic lifestyle. I basically made mysticism the most important thing in my life at that point. That has not changed since then. As a result I haven't always lived comfortably by most people's standards.
In 2011 I decided to take this a step further and gave away most of my worldly possessions and travel as the Photo-Monk. I wanted to go on a spiritual and artistic journey that would not only serve as a pseudo monastic retreat, but also establish me as a photographer. By this point it wasn't about stuff for me, it was about experiences. So my American Dream had become to experience as many things as possible. So while others were working toward a house or a car. I was working toward good stories and captured images. This journey took me to Alabama, Washington D.C., Hawaii, Michigan, Colorado, etc... This is when my mystic life took on a much deeper form. I met many amazing Monks, Lamas and Masters in my travels. They taught me what it was really like to be happy. So again my American Dream started to change.
I realized that no matter what I did with my life, I had to help others in some way. I couldn't see myself doing anything that didn't benefit other people in some way. This was something that was building in me for some time. I had already tried to work on humanitarian projects. Philanthropic art was my obsession for awhile. I thought that was how I would get my idea of happiness. I would be able to travel and help people at the same time. Through many failed attempts to get a philanthropic project off the ground, I again started to focus on my own personal growth. This was when I realized that my own work was the best way for me to help many people. As I practiced and gained some slight understanding of the Dharma, I was able to pass that along to others.
Somewhere along this time I started working with an amazing teacher called Gala Rinpoche. My study with him would end up being very intense and is on going. The need for stability became very important. So my idea of the American Dream changed once again. I now wanted a home of my own and not just a place to stay. A stable environment to do my practice. So I started a portrait project called "This Precious Human Life" in order to build a career and get some stability in my life.
That is where you find me now, still trying to build my business. Trying to get some stability in my life. So when many people my age wake up having done all that was expected of them and ask "What is the meaning of it all?". I wake up having explored the meaning of it all and so am instead asking, "Is it to late for me to get a piece of that pie?".
Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I have wasted my time, on the contrary. I think that at this point in my life I could truly appreciate the things that many people take for granted. Like a home and a car and all that white picket fence jazz. So what does Caleb's American Dream look like now?
The first thing would be a home of my own, not just a place to stay. A foundation were I could work, teach, practice and live. I have fallen in love with a small community right outside of Atlanta called Serenbe. It is outside of the city, yet cool and close to the city. I would need about a half a million dollars to live there however. So unless I win the lottery it won't be a possibility for a humble monkish man like myself. As an alternative a small studio in a warehouse type space like the Stacks, Arizona Lofts or Bass Lofts in Atlanta. Again all these seem impossible to me at this moment. That is part of my current frustration. I have worked my entire life very hard to gain some insight into the human condition. This work however is not looked at to highly until someone is in pain. Then my skills are very desired. So people like me end up destitute in most cases unless they are part of an established religion.
One of the other things that I have done as a part of my "Midlife Crises" is to get my driver's license straight. I haven't drove since the 90s. So part of my new American Dream is car to drive. This would allow me to live outside the city away from the violence (I have been mugged 4 times) and allow me to expand my "This Precious Human Life" project. Again it seems like an impossible goal for me at this point. If I was to hit my numbers one day I would of course want a Tesla Model S. Not for the reasons many think. I mean ya it is cool to have an electric car and not hurting the environment. The selling point for me is the technology in it. I am such a hard core geek. The tech in this care excites me.
My second choice would be a Jeep Wrangler. This is because of the adventure seeker in me. It would have to be a six speed transmission because I love a good old manual six speed. These just look like they would be fun to drive! I think often about sticking a tent in a jeep and driving to some mountain road and pitching a tent for the weekend. Good fun!
Now last but not least, I would be amiss if I didn't mention my dream camera. The Pentax 645Z medium format camera. I mean why not, if I'm going to dream I'm going to dream! This camera is just simply amazing.
So there you go, that is Caleb's version of the American Dream. Most likely not that different than many people's. The difference is that it took me 46 years to figure out what it was that I wanted. The other difference is that I have lived my life in a way that is in direct opposition to ever obtaining these things.
So where do I go from here? Well, I am going to keep doing my practice, keep studying with my teachers and keep on trying to build my portrait business. I will keep this running list in my head of my American Dream and keep buying my lottery tickets. If I ever see any of these things I will be eternally grateful. You see since I have spent all the time seeking answers to mystical questions I have found some inner peace. So I don't seek any of these things with the delusion that they will make me happy. I am already quite happy. I seek a home for my spiritual practice, a car for my business to support my spiritual practice and a camera to support my business to support my spiritual practice.
I work very hard everyday to make the world better by making me better. If everyone took a few minutes a day cultivating qualities like kindness, compassion and generosity the world would change so quickly. That being said, I can view no work more important than cultivating these qualities. So even though I have not lived my life in a way that will bring about my idea of a perfect life. I have cultivated the qualities that will insure it.
Happy 4th everyone!
Caleb Storms
Karma Tsultrim Tharchen
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