XI: The land of Gators and Monsters

After it was quite obvious that I was not fit for married life, I decided a geographical fix was in order. So I contacted one of my old radio bosses from Virginia and secured a position at his new radio station in Bradenton, Florida. It didn’t pay the greatest, but it was a radio gig and more importantly it was in Florida.

So two of my friends decided we would make a road trip of it, driving from Indiana to Florida in a van. The trip was loads of fun with only a couple of weird moments. One of them involved a little place in Little Beaver, Pennsylvania.

We had gotten a little turned around, I think we must have needed gas or some such. Anyway, we were in this little town in the middle of nowhere and I really wanted some coffee. So we found this little diner, so as my companions were looking at the map, I was making my way across a gravel parking lot toward this very uninviting diner. I say uninviting because on the marquee it simply said “Strangers”. It didn’t say “Welcome strangers” or “Go away strangers”. It simply said “Strangers”, damn creepy if you ask me.

So there I am walking toward the diner when I heard tires screeching and a beer bottle comes flying through the air. I then heard someone yell “Faggot” as the bottle crashes on the gravel in front of me. At this point I turn on my boots and begin to head back to my comrades, feeling that I didn’t really need coffee that bad.

So we decided to get some directions after that little greeting. We found a convenience store and upon pulling up, quickly realized that is where all the kids hung out. So looking around we found a delivery driver and asked him how to get to the interstate. He looked us up and down, and after telling us he added “you should go before it gets dark”. We all felt unnerved by the statement, even more because it came from a delivery driver. So we hopped in our chariot, and away we went.

My time in Florida started off pretty great, I stayed with my boss and his wife for a week or two, and then they helped me secure a small apartment close to the station. I started to meet people very quickly and it wasn’t long at all before I had a new life I was living. I still had to deal with the fallout from my brief marriage, but for the most part the whole thing started off good.

Then the station and so my job and much of what I was basing my life on at the time were in question. I had began to work on a radio show called “You will Believe” that was going to be a kind of new age, metaphysical talk show, and had even starting selling advertisements for the show. The Station went off the air for what was supposed to be a short time. The time just dragged on and I got deeper and deeper into crazy having nothing but magick and sex to fill my time.

The time I spent in Florida was quite fun for the most part. We would take weekend trips to the Florida Keys. I ran around naked a whole lot, people with pools didn’t seem to mind a naked occultist running around. So I discovered a couple of my favorite things while there. Travel and being naked.

Eventually I gave up on the station and decided to hatch a new plan. I was going to have a traveling occult store. I was going to take all that I had learned from selling shirts with Rod, and all the stuff I had learned from working at the occult store in Virginia and combine them into a traveling metaphysical shop. I thought it could be useful to all those folks in tiny towns that wouldn’t have access to such things. I think at this point I decided that I liked to travel, I had caught the gypsy bug.

So I contacted my brother and to my surprise he agreed to help me finance the venture. So after some negotiating we struck up a deal and I began to contact both suppliers and the organizers of shows to get the ball rolling while I waited for the first chunk of capital to come from my brother. Again I waited far too long and lost the home I was living in. I kept the faith however and moved in with a very tall native American with some friends.

At this point I was dating a little punk girl and practicing the Black Sun System of magick in the extreme. The combination of sex, magick, and being displaced put me in quite a crazy mind set. Although I felt very justified in my rage, in retrospect I was quite insane.

After things came to a head in the house, I was told I was evil and that I had to leave. In those days being told I was evil didn’t phase me, in fact I looked at it as a compliment in some way. Having not received the start-up funds and getting the runaround about it. I decided to take my crazy ass back to Indiana and confront my brother about it all. Not one of my prouder moments.

So burning as many bridges as I could on the way out of town, three of us piled into a car and headed north with whatever would fit into the car. The rest I left for my native American friend for letting us stay. He was always nice to me, it was the owner of the house that thought I was a psycho. He was most likely correct.

Now let me set this next scene up for you. It must have been quite a sight. I had a spiked Mohawk, but the back was long and braided. So I must of looked like some kind of alien. I showed up at my brother’s house all crazy. My poor sister in law had to deal with me, because he wasn’t home. When he got there we had words and he tried to give me a check for gas basically. I was so furious at that point that I ripped it up and tossed it in the air.

Even though my actions were being fueled by a rage spawning from a sense of victimization. My actions although radical were very honest in those days. I did not mask anything, what you saw was what you got. Although I was completely out of control, I believe it was a necessary stage of my personal evolution. It was in many ways my spiritual adolescents.

It would be some years before I would trust my brother again, this was the second time he left me hanging. It was a pattern that would be played out several more times in my life before I got the lesson in it all. Having a brother that is so very different than myself has been the source of many great lessons. It has been a constant source of both frustration and perspective. I would be a much different person if I had not had him in my sphere. I am grateful for him and all he brings to the table.

After that whole episode the crazy kids in my caravan and myself made our way to Mishawaka where we ended up crashing on the couch of a friend of mine. That all started to get very complicated for me personally. I had somehow decided at that point that I didn’t want to date girls anymore, and so wasn’t very interested in the poor girl I had dragged along with me on this adventure. Not to mention the girl we were staying with had several conflicts with my my traveling buddies.

What ended up happening is the girl I was dating went back to Florida and my other friend stayed in town, but found another place to stay. I stayed on that couch for sometime. It became my place of refuge as I figured out my sexual identity.